Tagged: love

Sep 17

The First Proposal

I remember the night he told me that he was HIV positive like it was yesterday. We were at a bar like we always were, but he seemed nervous. Squirmy. He suddenly grabbed my hand and told me that he needed to tell me something. I could see the terror in his eyes, but I really wasn’t surprised, to be honest. I knew he’d been sick and I had my suspicions, but all of a sudden they were reality. He was so scared and I knew he was waiting for me to say something. I told him that we’d get through it together and that I’d always be there for him. His relief was palpable, and he scooped me into a hug and we both sobbed.

Jeffrey was my best friend in the world. We were both very young, but he was like a child – full of wonder and without fear. I think he always knew that he wasn’t going to be around for long and he lived life like every day was his last. It was exhilarating just to be around him, and he got me into trouble on more occasions than I can count. He was selfish, but also the most giving person I’ve ever known. I don’t think anyone has ever made me laugh as much as he could.

The same night he told me that he was HIV positive he asked me to marry him. He was gay, but he told me he wanted to marry me so that his father would be proud of him. And I would have. But I never got the chance.

It was just before Christmas in 1999 when I got the call that he was gone. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew it was true. It was just hard to imagine that someone who was so full of life could be dead. Even after all of these years have passed, I still think of him often and miss him. He taught me how to have fun and what it means to love someone unconditionally. At 31 years old, he was stolen from me far too soon, but I’ll never forget him.

Jeffrey & I

Jeffrey

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Dec 02

Musings on Friendship, Love & Family

I’m having one of those days where I feel like I should just crawl into my bed and pull the blankets over my head and just stay there and be all by myself. I’m safer there. Protected. If I don’t let anyone in, nobody will be able to hurt me.

I’ve had lots of time to think lately while I’ve been recuperating. It was interesting for me to be in a position where I suddenly needed other people. Asking for help is not one of my greatest strengths, but I never even needed to. I was completely blown away by the love, support and friendship that surrounded me. There are some truly amazing people in my life and I am so grateful and appreciative for all of them.

This was also a very enlightening experience. I came to some pretty profound realizations about a few of my relationships. Needing other people can shine a very bright light on how much they value you. In some cases I was shocked to find that I had always been in the dark, in others the light showed me exactly what I had always known was there. Some of these epiphanies hurt me more than I can express, but others were wonderful surprises.

Thanksgiving this year was really fun for me. My cousin and her family came from Texas. She’s never lived here, she grew up in Texas and doesn’t really know much of the expansive family here in Michigan. We celebrated Thanksgiving at another cousin’s place, and most of the family was there – around 75 aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, brothers, children, grandchildren and more. I had a really great time. I chatted with family members that I rarely see unless there’s a funeral, and I realized that my cousin from Texas and I aren’t that different. She was separated by distance, but I don’t even have that excuse.

My mom loves to talk about how when she was a kid, all of her aunts and uncles and cousins were so close and they all spent tons of time together. Things are just different now. I hardly know these people. One of my cousins died a couple of years ago. He was very close to my age and he died very suddenly. I knew him when we were kids, but as adults, I hadn’t seen him in years. He only lived 30 minutes away, but I barely knew him. When he died I was wracked with guilt because I hadn’t made an effort to know him and see him and spend time with him. But the truth is, he hadn’t reached out to me either. That doesn’t make it right or make me feel better about it, but it’s the truth.

I guess I don’t even know what my point here is, or if I ever had one to begin with. I’ve just had these things on my mind lately. From this surgery and forced downtime I’ve certainly learned that no matter how much I care about someone else, they may or may not reciprocate. Relationships are so complicated and exhausting and you may never get what you want or expect from them. And even blood doesn’t guarantee anything. You have to work hard and fight to keep those relationships strong and healthy. At the same time, no matter how hard you try and how much you want it, the other person has to do their part, too.

Maybe it IS just easier to hide under the covers.

One of my cousins had copies of this photo printed for the entire family at Thanksgiving. This is my great grandparents, Jack & Sarah (seated), surrounded by all 9 of their children.

Family

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Jun 22

Falling

Mike & I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. We decided to take a road trip together and it turned out to be EPIC. Here’s a quick recap with photos.

Day 1: We left home and headed for Toledo to visit the zoo. This zoo is pretty incredible. They have lots of animals and the enclosures are all pretty cool. I LOVED the polar bears. We got to watch them play and swim around! Their enclosure is really cool because you can watch them outside, but there’s also a building where you can see them underwater as well. SO COOL. Here’s a few of my favorite zoo pics.

Day 2: Cedar Point! It’s been about 20 years since I was there, but it’s still as cool as I remember. My body isn’t the same though – we had a blast and rode a ton of coasters, but we were back at our hotel by 4 and felt like we’d been run over by a truck. 🙂

Cedar Point

Cedar Point

 

Day 3: We headed to Cleveland and stopped at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. It was actually a lo more fun than we expected!

We Rock

 

Day 4 & 5: We spent our actual anniversary in Niagara Falls, Canada. It was my first time there and it’s truly incredible. I took 1000 pictures that don’t even come close to doing it justice. It’s so beautiful, and literally stunning. We did the Hornblower Cruise and went into the falls which was breathtaking. And also very wet! The rush of the water all around you is deafening and it’s totally surreal.

Niagara Falls

Niagara Falls

This trip was SO MUCH FUN. We did so many cool things and saw great places and met some incredible people. It was the perfect way to celebrate 10 years of marriage. We had such a great time, and we decided to do trips like this more often.

I can’t believe it was 10 years ago – sometimes it seems much more recent and other times it feels like it’s been 100 years. I still love this guy as much as I did then. He makes me crazy sometimes, but he always makes me laugh and I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Happy Anniversary, Mikey! Here’s to 100 more.

Our WeddingAnniversary Selfie

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Mar 10

Luuuurvvve

Just a quickie to show you this little drawing I did of Mikey & I over the weekend. 🙂

 SCAN0367

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Oct 11

Give me Five

I had no idea that the Friday Five was still a thing, but it is! This takes me WAY BACK. I used to do the Friday Five almost every week when I first started this blog a decade ago. I’m so pleased to find out that it’s still around! This week’s questions are at this link. My answers:

1.When (and why) did you last intentionally throw food onto the floor or ground?

Just the other night I threw an empty Blue Bunny Red Velvet Cake ice cream pint across the living room. I was mad because I ate WAY more of it than I intended it to. Tossing it across the room did make me feel a wee bit better, by the way. Sidenote: that is some good ice cream, yo.

2.To whom did you last throw a canned or bottled beverage?

I honestly can’t remember, but I don’t throw beverages at people very often.

3.When did you last throw a ball?

Probably the last time I played racquetball, which was a couple of months ago. I can’t think of anything more recent, anyway.

4.When someone throws you a set of keys, how confident are you while those keys are in midair that you will catch them and be cool doing it?

Not confident AT ALL. I’m not a sportsy person. In junior high I played softball and basketball and benches have never been as warm since. I remember my basketball team actually suggesting to me that maybe I should just quit. I really wanted to, but I stuck it out for the season because I felt like I should honor my commitment. Oh, I just remembered that I took tennis lessons one summer, too, but I only signed up because the instructor was a total fox. So anyway, the point is, when someone tosses anything at me, I am riddled with anxiety.

5.What’s something you regret throwing away?

I’ve been really giving thought to this, and I can’t come up with anything. It could be because I sort of have packrattish tendencies so I don’t throw too much stuff away at all, and certainly not something I think I’d regret later.

Yay! That was fun! On top of that, I have a couple of things to share. First, a drawing of Mike & I from my diary. I stayed with my mom for about a week as she was recovering from surgery, and I drew this on the day I got home. 🙂

Home Sweet Home

Also, here’s a pic of Mikey as a little boy hanging out with Spiderman. I LOVE how he looks all tough, like “I’m so BA, of COURSE Spiderman wants to hang out with me.” 🙂

 Young Mikey & Spiderman

I think that’s it for today. I hope your weekend kicks tail. XOXO

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Sep 20

Quick Photo Update

I’ve been really busy the last couple of weeks, plus things have been exceptionally boring. I don’t have a lot of time, but here are some quick photos at least so you can see what I’ve been up to.

Me & Mikey

We had dinner with Mike’s parents a couple of weeks ago and his mom took this to try out her fancy new camera. We look cute!

Shrimp Thief

I made shrimp for dinner last week, and I turned my back for 2 seconds. Which is all Nemo needs to make his move. Shrimp Thief!

Abbey

My mom had a knee replacement this week, so while she is in the hospital I’ve been taking care of her cat, Abbey. She doesn’t like being alone, so I try to hang out with her as much as I can.

 Free to Live

I had some time to work in my Yearbook Journal last week and this is one of the pages I worked on. I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

So that’s it for now. Hopefully I’ll have something more exciting to blog about soon. I hope your weekend is outstanding.

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Aug 28

Keep Cool, Bob

So in my last post, I mentioned the old yearbooks I got at an estate sale last weekend. I LOVE stuff like this. I get really excited when I find things that are handwritten by strangers. I have an old travel journal in which a girl writes about her trip to Europe in the early 2000’s. She painstakingly wrote out the addresses of all of the hotels she stayed in, as well as a couple of paragraphs every day about where she was and what she did. She lists the restaurants that she ate at and what the food was like. I also have a teenage girl’s sketchbook with doodles of Harry Potter and drawings of ideas for outfits. When I find a shopping list that someone left in a cart I always keep it. I once found a card on the ground at the zoo, and a little girl was wishing her friend happy birthday and thanking her for inviting her to her birthday party. I still have it. I’m a strange girl, folks.

Anyway, back to the yearbooks. I bought 2, and they were $1 each. The smaller (less pages, but still pretty thick) of the 2 I decided to use as an art journal. So, I’ll cover the pages with gesso, paint, and whatever else I can think of. It’s got this really cool paper that is glossy like magazine pages, but thick and with some tooth. It’s also got some incredible portraits in it that I will definitely incorporate into the art. Anyway, as I start to use this book and flip through the pages and read all of the many signatures (this girl, Tobi, seems quite popular) this particular signature is just DYING to be shared. Maybe this will give you a little bit of an idea of why I find these things so interesting. Bob is so cheesy, but also so sweet, and this is just such a colorful portrait of young love, and really youth in general. Click the pictures for the larger version if you can’t read Bob’s words.

Behold:

Young Love Page 1

Young Love Page 2

 Young Love Page 3

I have no idea what happened with Tobi & Bob because for me, the story ends here. In my imaginary happy place, Tobi & Bob made it work even though he was so far away in Wisconsin. They got through that dreadful summer, and got married as soon as Tobi graduated (’72). They had a zillion kids and lived happily ever after. The end.

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Jun 05

Did I hear a Niner in There?

Happy Anniversary to Mike & I today!! It’s been 9 years! Can you believe it? We’ve been together for 16!! Here’s a foxy pic of us from this past March, when we went to a Murder Mystery Dinner. 🙂

 Us!

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Sep 07

Big Mouth

Wedding Day, originally uploaded by trishsworld.

I was going through some old photos the other day to pick some out for a collage frame I’m working on, and I came across this. I love it. This might be my favorite photo from our wedding day. It’s hard to believe it’s been 8 years! Sometimes it seems like yesterday, and others it seems like it was a million years ago. 🙂

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